You're not a "bad" writer. You're just choosing
When it's been such a long journey you can't even see where you're going anymore
The point when you email your narrator that your audiobook will be ready in about a week is the point when you know it’s finally about to happen again. A new book launch.
All those hours, all the waking up with dread because you’re sooo late with this book. The weight on your shoulders through whatever else you do - the book should have been out weeks ago already. What the hell have you been doing with it, handwriting every page? Hand-plating its edges in gold?
The pain and pleasure ratio when working on a longer writing project in the background of everything else usually depends on 3 key factors:
Those little daily bubbles of time when you can actually physically write
What sort of life event is currently messing with your head, either exciting you or having you bent under the weight of it
The muse (yes, even in non-fiction, you depend on the fleeting ability to create non-boring sentences that don’t put people to instant sleep)
On top of that, the project is not really in the background at all. It’s at the forefront of your consciousness all the time. Life is in fact happening around it. And it kills you everytime too much life happens because it means another week has to be added to the estimation. And then another week. And then another.
It’s inevitable some pretty unpleasant thoughts not just creep in your mind but also take over your entire existence. You’re impossible, and a bad writer. Look at everyone else getting things done. Is it going to take you what, like a year to write this?
Stop right there.
So there’s a bump in the road, yes. Probably more than one…
But remember this -
No one writes for 8 hours a day. If they do, they’re on a maximum-push streak (and maximum-push streaks aren’t sustainable for very long). Or they are Joyce Carol Oates, or Alexander McCall Smith, or Isaac Assimov, who it would be extremely cruel to compare yourself to. So don’t.
You’re not a bad writer. You’re just choosing.
You’re choosing to live your life yet wake up every day and not give up on your writing.
You’re choosing your priorities and understand the responsibility and necessity of choosing life over creativity or work when it’s needed.
You’re choosing to use exactly the time you have, the energy you have left and the mind capacity you have at any given day, exactly where you are.
Even if it does take you a year to write that project or finish that book.
If it’s ongoing, it’s still breathing. You’re doing what you can, with what you have. If you sometimes have space to facilitate an extreme-push streak, that’s great.
Otherwise, just keep choosing to write, little by little, bit by bit, as and when.
Until one day, your forecast suddenly reveals the finish line on the horizon. Then it becomes easier.